Make It a Winning Life eNewsletter Jan/Feb 2002

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MAKE IT A WINNING LIFE: Strategies to Help You Succeed Faster
Vol. 4 No. 1, Jan/Feb 2002 ******* Copyright 2002 by Wolf J. Rinke mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com ************* http://www.WolfRinke.com ###################################################### *********** Feel free to forward this eNewsletter to others *********** **SPECIAL HAPPY NEW YEAR and HAPPY VALENTINE ISSUE**
IN THIS ISSUE
1. NEWS YOU CAN USE
2. HOW TO BUILD LASTING RELATIONSHIPS
3. SUCCESS ACTION STEPS
4. HUMOR BREAK
5. LESSONS LEARNED
6. ABOUT THE EDITOR
7. CONTACT AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION =================================================== INSIGHT BREAK "Accept your loved ones unconditionally for who they are, not who they should be." --Wolf J. Rinke Source: Make It a Winning Life, Perpetual desk calendar, Jan 22. (See paragraph 5. for more information.) ===================================================
1. NEWS YOU CAN USE =================================================== MARITAL MISERY PASSES TO CHILDREN
A comprehensive 17-year Pennsylvania State University study found that:
1. Couples who keep an angry, belittling marriage together for the sake of their children have a high probability of raising children whose marriages are as miserable as the one they grew up in.
2. There is a direct correlation between the level of unhappiness in the parent's marriage and their children.
3. An improvement in the parent's marriage results in an improvement in the children's marriage.
ACTION STEP: Read "HOW TO BUILD LASTING RELATIONSHIPS" below and start taking action NOW! Source: USA Today, 12/13/01, p. 9D

GOALS PLUS POSITIVE ATTITUDE EQUAL SUCCESS Ted Leonsis, the son of a waiter and a secretary, grew up in a working class neighborhood in Brooklyn, NY where he shuffled from one menial job to another. Today he is a senior executive with America Online and the popular owner of the Washington Capitals. What has contributed to his success? An intense goal focus-in the 1980s he made a list of 101 things he wanted to do with his life-and an incredible positive attitude-"he has done it by believing that just about anything can happen, and that if it is going to happen, there's no reason it shouldn't happen to him."
ACTION STEP: This weekend write down what specifically you will accomplish with the rest of your life, and commit to live by Ted's guiding principle: "If not now-when? If not us-who?" (For additional help read Chapters 4 & 7 in my book "Make It a Winning Life: Success Strategies for Life, Love and Business"--800-828-9653) Source: The Washington Post, 8/5/01, pp. A1 & A12. =================================================== DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION, SUGGESTION OR A SUCCESS STORY? We are getting some great success stories from our subscribers and would like to hear what's working, or not working, for you. Mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com. ===================================================
2. HOW TO BUILD LASTING RELATIONSHIPS by Wolf J. Rinke, PhD, CSP =================================================== Wife to husband of over 20 years: "Why don't you tell me you love me any more?" Husband: "I told you I love you the day we got married. If there is ever a change I let you know." It may be funny but it is NOT the way to stay happily married for the long-term. That's what a 33 year incredibly positive marriage to my Superwoman has taught me. Relationship expert Dr. Gary Smalley has identified what it takes to stay happily married. His "secret" is so effective that it is now taught in a mandatory pre-marriage course in a number of states. And in those states it has significantly reduced the divorce rate. But first lets take a look at what destroys relationships. Dr. Smalley refers to these as the four "relationship germs" which cause more than 90% of all marriages to fail.
Germ #1. Belittle your partner because you feel superior. Let your significant other know that you are better than he/she is. You can communicate this with your actions, words and deeds. By far this is the most important relationship buster. So if you are tired of your spouse just start belittling your mate and you'll be divorced before you know it. By the way, every time you belittle someone you are telling that other person that your self-esteem is not okay. People with high self-esteem routinely make other people look better than themselves.
Germ #2. Look for the negatives in your partner. Focus your mental energies on the other person's weaknesses. And since all human beings have strengths and weaknesses you are bound to find many. The trouble is that once you find these weaknesses your selective perception will continue to confirm them. At the same time you will begin to treat positive perceptions as exceptions. In essence, you will confirm bad stuff and disconfirm the good stuff.
Germ #3. Withdraw from an argument. Withdrawal is particularly destructive because it stops any discussion dead in its tracks. Although it is a good strategy to "cool off" it represents a lose-lose strategy unless one party is willing to pick up the pieces at a later time. You see, the only difference between salad and garbage is time. And if you let arguments fester they will become "garbage."
Germ #4. Escalate an argument. A good way to get into a real fight is to fight fire with fire. This "eye for an eye" approach requires you to get down to the other person's level and insures that the meanest, nastiest, and most obnoxious party wins by decimating both parties sense of self-worth. The longer you keep it up the harder it will be to repair the damage. Destructive as these four may seem there is one strategy that single-handedly can diminish or overcome all four of these "relationship germs." Dr. Smalley calls this the "skill of HONOR." That is, you selectively focus on what is RIGHT about your significant other and let him/her know about it. Research has confirmed that the rate of divorce is inversely correlated with the "honor" each party bestows on the other. Lower the honor in a marriage and the divorce rate goes up. Increase the honor and it goes down. To practice this skill YOU should start honoring your significant other because, like money in the bank, you must make deposits before you can earn any interest. Here is how to honor your significant other and build lasting relationships:
Step 1. Decide that your partner is very valuable. What is the difference between a Chevy and a limited edition Rolls Royce? They are both wheels, they both get you from point A to point B, they are both comfortable etc. The difference is your perception! You perceive that a Rolls Royce is more valuable. The reason, it is extremely rare and it costs more. What about your spouse? Your spouse is even more unique than that Rolls. In fact there is not another human being in the whole wide world that is like him/her. Hence he/she is literally "priceless." Now, just start treating him/her that way!
Step 2. Compile a MVP (most valuable player) list about your partner. Make a list about all the things you value in your spouse or anyone else you wish to form a strong relationship with. If you keep a journal dedicate several pages to this purpose. If you don't, purchase a small, blank, expensive mini-book in your local bookstore, and call it your MVP book. Label the first page: "Here is what I love and value about my spouse." Now begin the list and keep adding to it every time you discover anything else that fits the header. Make similar lists for other family members and critical team members. Any time you find yourself focusing on something negative about one of these people, open your MVP book and prove yourself wrong.
Step 3. Tell your partner how much you value him/her. Get in the habit of focusing your mental energy on the positive attributes of your significant other and then let him/her know about it at least three times per day. It's what Ken Blanchard refers to as "catching people doing things RIGHT." Be sure to exceed this limit with your spouse. And get creative. When you are out of town, send an e-mail that says: "I love you because (excerpt one item from your MVP book)." Before leaving for work leave a Post-it note on the door, and when coming home from a business trip bring a bouquet of flowers or other thoughtful gift. If you run out of creative ideas just think of what you used to do when you were dating and replicate that behavior. (For additional help, see the action step below. =================================================== For FREE articles, inspirational messages and money saving offers on books, audio and videotapes that will help you make 2002 your best year ever visit our website: http://www.WolfRinke.com or call 800-828-WOLF (USA); 410-531-9282. ===================================================
3. SUCCESS ACTION STEPS =================================================== FIX A MARRIAGE ON THE ROCKS Your marriage not going well? Make your mind quiet and reflect back to the time when you were dating. (Both partners need to do this.) Write down all the things you used to love about your spouse. Once both of you have this list in hand, read your list to your partner. (Heads up: since human behavior is relatively stable these attributes are likely still present.) Now make a commitment to change your perceptions about each other by focusing your mental energies on each other's "good stuff." (See your list.) Note: What you focus on is a selective perception process that does not have to operate at the subconscious level. Raise it to the conscious level, replace negative perceptions with positive ones, tell your spouse what you love about him/her, and the quality of your relationship will likely improve. If it does not, get help. It's worth it! PIN it, don't NIP it Master the PIN technique. It is a powerful three step mental process to first focus on what is positive (P), then on what is interesting or innovative (I), and last on what is negative (N). By PINing it, instead of NIPing it, you will provide yourself with the ability to focus your vast mental energies on positive thoughts instead of squandering them on negative and nonproductive ideas. NIPing it closes the proverbial mental shade whereas PINing it allows you to go beyond your customary response pattern and provides you with a technique that will let you see the hidden opportunities and focus on desire instead of fear of failure. ===================================================
4. HUMOR BREAK =================================================== From the cartoon "Zits" Mom (cheerful): Good morning, Jeremy. Jeremy (grouchy): What's good about it? Mom: Tsk! You're always so gloomy in the morning. Maybe you'd feel better if you tried looking on the bright side for a change. Jeremy (sarcastic): The bright side. Golly. Why didn't I think of that? I can solve all of my problems by simply having happy thoughts! Jeremy (pretends to be happy): I see the sun rose right on schedule again! Don't you love how paint sticks to walls all by itself? Sniff! Ahh! Good old Oxygen! Jeremy (pretends to be energetic): Well, I'm off to take advantage of another day of free, taxpayer supported public education! Lucky me! Jeremy (reflective): Crud. I DO feel better. ===================================================
5. LESSONS LEARNED =================================================== Wolf, Thought you might like to hear a story about my daughter Jenny when she was 9 years old. It has to do with what I thought she was doing, as opposed to what she was actually doing. Since then I have never projected my jaded outlook on her again. I had to have a wisdom tooth taken out and brought it home to show my children. Jenny asked for the tooth. Immediately my suspicion was aroused and I told her the tooth fairy would not bring her money for someone else's tooth. She wanted it anyway, so I gave it to her. In the morning she came running up to me with a five-dollar bill and said "Daddy, look what the tooth fairy left for you." That was a gift from my daughter that I almost didn't give her the opportunity to give. Jenny is now 13 and continues to be a gift. Thanks for the emails [eNewsletters]. I always look forward to them. -Peter Pacchiana Editor: Thanks Peter. Remember: always assume that all people-especially little people--do the very best they can with what they have. Readers please keep those e-mails coming! They make "Wolf run faster!" ===================================================
6. ABOUT THE EDITOR =================================================== Dr. Wolf J. Rinke, CSP is an internationally recognized motivational and management keynote speaker and seminar leader who delivers customized presentations that combine story telling, humor and motivation with specific action strategies that participants can apply immediately to improve the quality of their personal and professional lives. He is also a highly effective management consultant, executive coach and author of 12 books including: Make It a Winning Life: Success Strategies for Life, Love and Business. To take advantage of his services call 800-828-9653 or mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com to ===================================================
7. CONTACT AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION =================================================== Editor: Dr. Wolf J. Rinke, CSP President, Wolf Rinke Associates, Inc. P.O. Box 350, Clarksville, MD 21029-0350 USA (410) 531-9280, Fax (410) 531-9282 For orders in the US (800) 828-WOLF (9653) Email: Mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com Website: http://www.WolfRinke.com If this was forwarded to you and you would like to receive your own FREE subscription mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com and type the word SUBSCRIBE MIWL in the subject box. To remove yourself from this mailing list, please type the word UNSUBSCRIBE MIWL in the subject box. PRIVACY STATEMENT: We will not make your name available to anyone. Period!

Welcome to Wolf Rinke Associates, Inc.

Welcome to
Wolf Rinke Associates, Inc.