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Vol. 5 No. 2, March/April 2003
Copyright 2003 by Wolf J. Rinke
mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com
http://www.WolfRinke.com
IN THIS ISSUE
1. NEWS YOU CAN USE
2. FIVE SKILLS OF EMOTIONALLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE--PART I
3. NEW CDs
4. QUESTIONS FROM READERS
5. HUMOR BREAK
6. ABOUT THE EDITOR
7. PRIVACY STATEMENT AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
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INSIGHT BREAK
"One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling
blocks."
--Jack Penn
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1. NEWS YOU CAN USE
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FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT--IT REALLY WORKS
Three complementary studies, conducted by Dr. Fleeson and colleagues,
tracked the moods of more than 100 students and found that you can fake
your way into happiness by acting more like an extrovert. All three
studies came to the same conclusion. When the students were more outgoing,
more energetic, and assertive and "pretended" to have more
fun, they reported feeling happier and more positive. When acting passive,
shy and reserved, their feelings were just the opposite.
ACTION STEPS:
Any time you feel down, depressed or blue act more energetic, positive
and outgoing even if you don't feel like it.
Source: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Dec. 2002.
STRESS NO MORE
Research shows that meditation will help you sleep better, reduce your
chance of suffering from depression, lower your blood pressure, slow
your heart rate, improve circulation and protect you from the damaging
effects of stress. It's so effective that Dr. Oz, the director of the
Columbia Presbyterian Heart Institute, prescribes meditation prior and
after heart surgery because he has found that patients who meditate
"experienced less operative bleeding than controls given placebos
. . . [and it] reduces hardening of the arteries . . .[and has] a positive,
sustained effect on chronic pain and mood, including depression and
anxiety."
ACTION STEP
To meditate--which is nothing more than combining concentrated breathing
with focused awareness--listen to a pre-recorded meditation tape or
new age music, sit in a comfortable chair, close your eyes, and concentrate
on a time or place in the past when you have felt really happy. (For
example visualize sitting on a beautiful beach, listening to the waves
and watching the sun go down.) Do that twice a day for about 15 minutes
and you will get rid of stress.
Source: Time, Jan 20, 03, p.71.
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2. FIVE SKILLS OF EMOTIONALLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE--PART I
by Wolf J. Rinke, PhD, CSP
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IQ does not count! Well not quite, but at least I've got your attention.
According to Daniel Goleman, author of the popular book: "Emotional
Intelligence," your EQ (Emotional Quotient) can matter more than
your IQ. Here are the five skills you must master to build your EQ and
succeed faster.
Skill #1: Know thyself
I know it's been around since the beginning of time. However self-awareness
is the most important EQ attribute. Without it, the other skills won't
do you much good. Unfortunately it is very difficult to develop a keen
awareness of your own feelings and emotions. After all we create the
"reality" that we want, and whatever does not align with our
reality we distort or treat as exceptions. In other words we all see
and hear what we want to see and hear, even when it does not serve us
well. People with high EQs are acutely aware of their own feelings and
emotions, as well as their strengths and weaknesses and are able to
tune into those feelings and deal with them in a non-defensive and constructive
manner. They are also keenly aware of how their moods and emotions affect
others.
Skill #2: Manage thyself
Tuning into your own emotions is tough to do. Of course it is even more
difficult to take ownership of your feelings. (My computer ate my homework.
You make me so mad! The other driver caused my road rage … enough
said?) And without ownership nothing--yes I do mean nothing--will change!
Taking responsibility for everything that is going on in your life allows
you to choose a more constructive emotional response. Managing yourself
means that you've developed the ability to deal with life's ups and
downs--especially the downs--in a constructive and positive manner,
by "reframing" and by being aware and interrupting "triggers"
that take you on a downward spiral. People who have not mastered this
skill are frequently depressed, worry incessantly, and suffer from seemingly
insurmountable obstacles and stressors. On the other hand, those who
know how to manage their emotions experience just as many "downers"
but they are able to focus on the good stuff and bounce back. Professor
Marty Seligman's research makes a strong case for the importance of
developing a "positive explanatory style (PES)." People who
have PES as opposed to NES--I bet you know what that stands for--have
developed the unique ability to reframe their setbacks and tragedies
by finding the good in the bad. (Details, Chapter 8 in: "Make It
a Winning Life: Success Strategies for Life, Love and Business"--now
available as a 6 CD album--see paragraph 3.)
In my "Increasing Your Personal Effectiveness" seminars I
ask the participants to visualize the person who on the way to work
has a minor fender bender. Once they get to work, they whine all day
long: "My poor car, it's all scratched up. What's the matter with
these people, who gave them their license." (I think you catch
my drift.) Using all your mental energy to find the bad in the bad,
that's a negative explanatory style--NES. And yes there is lots of bad
stuff once you focus on it! (Have you ever noticed that people who whine
a lot have a lot to whine about? It's as if God is contemplating: "Whom
should I give this problem to? Why don't I give it to John, he whines
all the time anyway.")
What does a PES look like? It's that rare person who on her way to
work has a terrible accident. She rolls her car over and totals it.
Even though she barely makes it out alive, she hails a taxi and shows
up for work. After telling you about the accident she says: "I
am sooo lucky. Been wanting a new car anyway." That is a PES.
To manage yourself more effectively:
1. Focus on the good stuff--you are going to find more of what you're
looking for.
2. Reframe your bad experiences--you will perceive your experience differently
depending on how you frame them. (Just like a painting looks different
with a different frame.)
3. Find the good in the bad--see the story above.
4. Tune into the triggers that cause you to feel bad. Interrupt them
or turn them off by substituting a different trigger that causes you
to feel good.
5. Help others who are worse off than you.
In the next issue of this E-Newsletter you'll find out how to develop
the other three skills of Emotionally Effective People:
Skill #3: Motivate Thyself.
Skill #4: Empathize with others
Skill #5: Manage Relationships
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3. NEW CDS
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LAST CHANCE SPECIAL OFFER ## ONLY FOR SUBSCRIBERS
My popular book "Make It a Winning Life: Success Strategies for
Life, Love and Business" is now available in a 6 CD album.
Price: $69.95. Limited time offer ONLY $49.95. - SAVE $20.00!!!
** 100% UNCONDITIONAL MONEY BACK GUARANTEE. **
Order NOW! Offer expires 4/15/2003.
To order log onto http://www.wolfrinke.com/cdspecial.html or call 800-828-9653.
You must mention this offer when you order by phone!!
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4. QUESTIONS FROM READERS
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Dear Wolf,
I'm finding it very difficult to balance my work and personal life.
Any suggestions?
--Stressed
Judging by the number of e-mails, Stressed,
this is a big issue for many people. I hope that the following thoughts--based
on a university commencement address delivered several years ago by
Brian Dyson, the CEO of Coca Cola Enterprises--will help:
Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling five balls. They are:
work, family, health, friends and spirit, and you're keeping all of
them in the air.
Work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the
other four balls--family, health, friends and spirit--are made of glass.
If you drop one of these, it will be damaged, cracked or even shattered
and never be the same. To achieve balance in your life:
1. Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself to others. It is
because we are different that each of us is special.
2. Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you
know what is best for you.
3. Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to
them as if they are your life, because without them, life is meaningless.
4. Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past
or the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the
days of your life.
5. Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is
really over until the moment you stop trying.
6. Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is the
fragile thread that binds all of us together.
7. Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that
we learn how to be brave.
8. Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find
time. The quickest way to receive love is to give it; the fastest way
to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love
is to give more than you think is wise.
For additional help read "How to Achieve Inner Peace" in
issues 4-4 and 4-5 of this eNewsletter available at www.WolfRinke.com.
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For FREE articles, inspirational messages and money saving offers on
books, audio and videotapes that will help you live a happier, healthier
and wealthier life visit our website: http://www.WolfRinke.com or call
800-828-WOLF (USA); 410-531-9280.
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5. HUMOR BREAK
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Susan, who was expecting her second child was home alone with her 3-year
old daughter, Jane. When Susan started to go into labor late at night
she called "911". Due to a power outage only one paramedic
responded to the call. Because the house was very dark, the paramedic
asked Jane to hold a flashlight so he could see while he helped deliver
the baby. Very diligently, Jane did as she was asked. Susan pushed and
pushed, and after a little while Jane's little baby brother, Jimmy,
was born. The paramedic lifted Jimmy by his feet, and spanked him on
his bottom until he began to cry.
The paramedic thanked Jane for her help and asked her thoughts about
what she had just witnessed.
Without hesitation, Jane responded, "He shouldn't have crawled
in there in the first place. Spank him again!"
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6. ABOUT THE EDITOR
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Dr. Wolf J. Rinke, CSP is an internationally recognized motivational
and management keynote speaker and seminar leader who delivers customized
presentations that combine story telling, humor and motivation with
specific "how to" action strategies that participants can
apply immediately to improve their personal and professional lives.
You can preview a live demo at www.WolfRinke.com. He is also a highly
effective management consultant, executive coach and author of 12 books
including: "Make It a Winning Life: Success Strategies for Life,
Love and Business" available at www.WolfRinke.com
To take advantage of Dr. Rinke's services call 800-828-9653 or mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com
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7. PRIVACY STATEMENT AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
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