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Vol. 3 No. 2 March/April 2001 ############################################ IN THIS ISSUE 1. NEWS YOU CAN USE 2. PLANT THE RIGHT SEEDS 3. SUCCESS ACTION STEPS 4. HUMOR BREAK 5. ABOUT THE EDITOR 6. CONTACT AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION ======================================================== INSIGHT BREAK Don't worry about what other people think of you. Because if you knew how seldom they do, you would be insulted. — Wolf J. Rinke ======================================================== 1. NEWS YOU CAN USE ======================================================== ARE YOU EXPERIENCING DESK RAGE? First there was road rage, then air rage and now there is desk rage. And with the economy going in the tank it is likely that workplace stress will go up before it gets better. According to The Marlin Co. 42% of office workers reported that they had jobs in an office where yelling and verbal abuse happened frequently. The mild form of desk rage consists of being short with co-workers, bosses or customers. Moderate may consists of flinging phones and/or obscenities at others, and the severe forms consist of workplace violence culminating in blood shed. Here according to the experts are the warning signs to watch for: — Skipping group lunches — Coming to work late on a regular basis — Reporting sick frequently — Withdrawing from typical "water cooler talk" and office banter — Obsessing over seemingly insignificant or isolated incidents ACTION STEPS: — Get rid of anything that does not add to the quality of your life — Participate in a regular exercise program — Have a hobby that totally occupies your mind — Create quiet time for yourself both at work and at home — Reduce your commuting time by moving closer to work — Disconnect yourself from electronic devices i.e. cell phones, pagers etc. when you get home — Work no more than 10 hours a day on a regular basis. If your job consistently requires more than that, its time to find a new job — Take regular vacations of at least one week duration — Remove yourself from anything that is unacceptable — Complete like projects all at once, ex. answer all e-mails once a day, ideally last thing before you go home — Quit worrying--do something or let it go — Devote more time to nurture your precious relationships — Get at least 7 hours of sleep most nights — Lighten up-stuff is not nearly as serious as it seems. Source: The Wall Street Journal, 1/16/01, pp. B1 & B4. CASUAL DRESS GONE TOO FAR More than one third (34.2%) of executives surveyed feel that business casual dress has gone too casual. They feel that attire such as tank tops, shorts and sweat suits are too casual for the workplace. ACTION STEPS: Remember you never get a second chance to make a first impression, so make it a practice to always dress slightly more formal than your co-workers. Better yet, take a look at what people in positions you aspire to wear, for example your boss, and dress accordingly. Remember that how you dress impacts on how you feel about yourself. Source: Management Recruiters International, Inc., Cleveland, OH -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION, SUGGESTION OR A SUCCESS STORY? We are getting some great success stories from our subscribers, and would like to hear what's working, or not working, for you. Mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com. ======================================================== 2. PLANT THE RIGHT SEEDS by Wolf J. Rinke, PhD, CSP ======================================================== On December 17, 1975 my wife Marcela gave birth to our second child, a perfect, beautiful baby girl. At that joyous moment I never could have imagined the challenges that lay ahead. Although we had another daughter, this one, the one we named Nicole, would ultimately be responsible for 85% of the gray hair on my head. Why? Because Nicole has absolutely no idea of what NO means. In fact, any time you say NO to Nicole she replies: "Dad, I obviously have not given you enough information!" In addition, she has always "pushed the envelope," a phrase I borrowed from Air Force pilots, who use it to describe what they do when they push their planes almost beyond their maximum speed. Undoubtedly, if Nicole were a plane she'd be flying at Mach 4. As far back as my "Superwoman," that's my wife of 32 years, and I can remember, once Nicole had decided to do something, nothing would dissuade her. That posed a unique challenge for me, because I was raised by two stereotypical German parents who wanted their only son to be perfect. That meant that they would always set extremely high standards, which I'm grateful for. It also meant, that if I did not measure up to their standards, they would frequently denigrate and humiliate me. To this date, I can see my father leaning over my shoulder while I was struggling with math and saying to me: "What's the matter with you, that's so easy!" And if I did not obey or broke their rules they would not hesitate to resort to physical punishment. Hence, my special challenge. Research tells us that most of us raise our children the way we were raised, parenting like our parents, perpetuating the cycle of doing to our offspring the things we despised as children. On that chilly winter day, however, I had vowed to "break the cycle." I wanted my daughters to keep reaching higher and higher and I wanted them to succeed. And I wanted to accomplish that without diminishing their self-esteem and self-respect. I also wanted my daughters to internalize that they could do virtually anything they wanted to do, provided they wanted to do it badly enough. Most importantly, I wanted them to know that even if they did not measure up to my standards, they were still "okay." Nicole's stubbornness, however posed an extra special challenge, especially since it usually applied to things we did not want her to do. Even my parents' old "stand by" — spanking, did not work. Indeed it often made things worse. Nicole became even more resolute which caused me to feel bad. After all, I had promised myself to break the cycle. So we let the pendulum swing too far the other way. (At least that's what my parents told us repeatedly.) We continued to set very high standards and trusted our daughters until they proved us wrong. (My parents told us we trusted them too much.) We accepted their word, treated them with respect, believed in their abilities, built their self-esteem, and avoided, to the maximum extent possible, physical punishment. About 12 years ago (Nicole was 13) the "envelope" got pushed too far. I was speaking in Boston. Marcela was alone with our two daughters. At bedtime, she went into their rooms kissed them good night, turned off the lights and went to sleep. At 2:30 a.m. the phone rang. Marcela answered in a sleepy voice: "Hello." The voice said: "Mrs. Rinke!" My wife: "Yeeesss" "Mrs. Rinke, this is Montgomery General, we have your daughter Nicole here!" My wife suddenly wide awake: "What kind of a prank is this?" (Remember Marcela had tucked Nicole in and kissed her good night.) At the same time she threw down the phone and rushed to Nicole's room, to discover to her horror, that Nicole was gone. Nicole had snuck out of the house in the middle of an incredibly stormy night to go joy riding with three friends. As we found out later, they attempted to drive from our house in Olney, MD to Baltimore about 40 miles away. The fearsome storm, accompanied by flash floods forced them to turn around and head back to Olney. Since the night was still "young" they decided to hang out and seek shelter at a boy's house that was under construction. It was pouring "cats and dogs"; there were no lights, not even starlight. Everyone rushed into the house to get out of the storm. Who was first? Of course, Nicole, the young lady who always "pushes the envelope." As they rushed into the house, the others heard Nicole let out a long primordial scream as she disappeared from sight. The others slowed down, groped around, but could not find Nicole. Finally, as their eyes began adjusting to the dark, one of them heard moans from the basement. They carefully scaled down the wooden supports to find Nicole in a pool of blood. She had fallen through a large hole in the floor, a hole where the steps were going to be. Falling one story, head first, she had hit the concrete floor full force with her forehead. Everyone saw blood and more blood all over Nicole's face, her blouse and pants. No motion. No stirring. No breath. Just blood. Everyone began to panic, except one boy who had enough gumption to run home and get his dad, who took Nicole to Montgomery General. Nicole's face was badly injured. There was a possibility of kidney and other organ damage, broken bones, sprained muscles. And there was the suspicion of alcohol and worse, the one thing that every parent dreads, maybe even ... drugs. The doctors ran all kinds of tests, took multiple X-rays, conducted every blood test in their arsenal. They worked all night, ruled out organ damage, concluded that nothing seemed broken, stitched up Nicole's face, and made her like new again. Or did they? They did not rule out alcohol, they did not rule out drugs, and they could not patch up the loss of trust between us. Trust that we had planted as a fragile seed. Trust that we had nurtured and cultivated during the past 13 years. Trust that was never given to me when I grew up, no matter how hard I worked to earn it. Trust that I valued virtually more than anything. After all, I didn't want to repeat the cycle. But now the fragile "plant" had been trampled into a thousand little pieces. And no matter what any of us did, wishing would not repair and put it back together again. We tried anyway. In our own imperfect way, we all tried. But it was incredibly difficult. We began to plant new seeds. We tried to nurture and cultivate them, but found that each seed began to perish just as soon as it began to sprout. Regardless, we persisted and persevered. We kept planting the right seeds, and avoided giving into the temptation of looking the other way, of giving up. Instead we did the "right thing," working hard to rebuild what we had before. We began to renew the trust that seemed to have been lost forever, kept setting high standards, persisted in practicing "strict love," often to the consternation of our daughters, who frequently told us as that we were the "toughest parents anyone ever had." Most importantly, we worked hard not to fall back into the trap of old habits. Did we succeed? None of us were sure, until five years later, the day Nicole graduated from high school, when she gave me a card that I value more than anything she has ever given me. Why? Because it reminds me that I've broken the cycle, and gives me renewed hope, happiness and pride whenever I read it. Which is frequently, because Nicole has given me permission to share it with my audiences whenever I deliver my motivational keynotes. Now I'd like to share it with you, in the hope that it will encourage you to continue to plant the right seeds: Dad, I thought this time would be a nice time to say thanks. You've helped me a lot over the years. Although now I'm graduating and moving on to a new stage in my life I still need all those things you've given me in the past. I know we've had trouble accepting each other's differences but, I thank you for attempting to understand, and more importantly accept me as me. I know sometimes I don't seem very appreciative, but I am, I think I've really grown to respect you and you've done the same for me. I want you to know that no matter where I am and how old I get I still need some of your advice and guidance. I know that sometimes I screw up, but I am still learning. I also know that it's hard for you to sit back and watch me screw up, but thanks for trying and respecting my need for freedom. I'd just like to say thank you again for helping me to get to where I am today. I love you Dad! Love always, Nicole P.S. Just a brief update. The same young lady who had difficulty making it through high school is in her last year of Berkley Law School, on her way to become a successful environmental lawyer. Her passion—she wants to make the world a better place for you and I and our children. The moral of this story is to recognize the importance of your relationships, especially with your loved ones, and that anything worth while takes a long time to earn and develop. And since relationships are critical to the quality of your life, do whatever you can to make them flourish. Get rid of destructive human emotions, such as pride, jealousy and hate. Instead put love in your heart. Stay the course, never ever give up hope, and keep planting the right seeds even when you don't feel like it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- For FREE articles, inspirational messages and money saving offers on books, audio and video tapes that will help you succeed FASTER visit our website: http://www.WolfRinke.com or call 800-828-WOLF (USA); 410-531-9653. ======================================================= 3. SUCCESS ACTION STEPS ======================================================== ODE TO THE CHAMPIONS Who are these people— These doers of deeds, These dreamers of dreams Who make us believe?
Who are these people Who still win the day When the odds are against them And strength fades away?
These people are champions, For they never give in. A heart beats within them That is destined to win.
They follow their dreams Though the journey seems far, From the top of a mountain They reach out to a star.
And when they have touched it When their journey is done, They give to us hope From the victories they won.
So here's to the champions-- To all their great deeds. They follow their hearts And become winners indeed. — Tom Krause
Take action now, so that you too will become a champion! ======================================================== 4. HUMOR BREAK ======================================================== YOU KNOW YOU ARE GETTING OLD WHEN: You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before. Your children begin to look middle aged. Your back goes out more often than you do. Your pacemaker raises the garage door when you see a pretty girl go by. You sink your teeth into a steak ... and they stay there. ======================================================== 5. ABOUT THE EDITOR ======================================================== Dr. Wolf J. Rinke, CSP is an internationally recognized motivational and management keynote speaker and seminar leader who delivers customized presentations that combine story telling, humor and motivation with specific "how to" action strategies that participants can apply immediately to improve the quality of their personal and professional lives. He is also a highly effective management consultant and executive coach. Call us at 800-828-9653 or mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com to ======================================================== 7. CONTACT AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION ======================================================== Editor: Dr. Wolf J. Rinke, CSP President, Wolf Rinke Associates, Inc. P.O. Box 350, Clarksville, MD 21029-0350 USA (410) 531-9280, Fax (410) 531-9282 For orders in the US (800) 828-WOLF (9653) Email: Mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com Website: http://www.WolfRinke.com If this was forwarded to you and you would like to receive your own FREE subscription mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com and type the word SUBSCRIBE MIWL in the subject box. To remove yourself from this mailing list, please type the word UNSUBSCRIBE MIWL in the subject box. PRIVACY STATEMENT: We will not make your name available to anyone. Period!
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