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Vol. 5 No. 3, May/June 2003
Copyright 2003 by Wolf J. Rinke
mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com
http://www.WolfRinke.com
IN THIS ISSUE
1. NEWS YOU CAN USE
2. FIVE SKILLS OF EMOTIONALLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE-PART II
3. EXCITING NEW PRODUCTS
4. HUMOR BREAK
5. ABOUT THE EDITOR
6. ANSWER AND EXPLANATION TO HUMOR BREAK
7. PRIVACY STATEMENT AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
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INSIGHT BREAK
"Reality TV: If eating worms and horse manure is reality, then
I guess I've lost touch with reality."
--Norman Lear
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1. NEWS YOU CAN USE
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PERCEPTION IS REALITY
In this age of SARS, terrorism and West Nile virus we tend to distort
our reality and often fear things the most that should trouble us the
least. For example, we get disproportionately scared when the risk is
new--like SARS; if we are not in control--like flying; or stuff that
can harm us in a really nasty way. Case in point: most of us are more
afraid of being eaten by a shark (odds, 1 in 281,000,000) than dying
from heart disease (odds 1 in 300)
ACTION STEPS:
Any time you feel scared, fearful or worried ask yourself if I worry
about this real well, what will change? If the answer is nothing, quit
worrying! Still fearful? Get the facts from reliable sources so that
the rational part of your mind can unravel your emotional distortions.
(For proof that perception is reality, do the exercise in section 4.)
Source: D. Ropeik, "Risk: A Practical Guide for Deciding What's
Really Safe and What's Really Dangerous in the World Around You"
(Houghton Mifflin).
THE "REAL" TRUTH ABOUT SUCCESS
A recent Fortune article featured an interview with Wayne Huizenga,
the only person in history to have built three Fortune 1000 companies
from scratch: Waste Management, Blockbuster and AutoNation. Mr. Huizenga
attributed being tireless--that is working hard--as one of the keys
to his success. Here is part of what he said: "When I first started
out in the waste business, I'd wake up at 2 A.M. I'd go get the truck,
run the route, be finished around noon. Then I'd throw on a shirt and
a tie and go out soliciting new business all afternoon."
ACTION STEPS
Do what you don't feel like doing. I have made this my life's philosophy
which I express with a111% lapel pin. The pin comes with a card that
when followed will enable you to succeed faster:
"Deliver 100% . . . survive.
Deliver 110% . . . thrive.
Deliver 111% . . . and you will MAKE It a Winning Life."
Just do it!
Source: Fortune, May 12, 03, p. F144 [B]-[D].
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2. FIVE SKILLS OF EMOTIONALLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE-PART II
by Wolf J. Rinke, PhD, CSP
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In the previous issue of this eNewsletter you discovered the first
two skills of emotionally effective people:
Skill #1: Know thyself
Skill #2: Manage Thyself
Here are the other three.
Skill 3#: Motivate Thyself.
Sarah Hughes, 2002 Winter Olympics ice-skating gold medallist, exemplifies
this skill to the max. Getting yourself to do the things you don't want
to do--getting up every day at 5:00 am to practice since age 6--and
not doing what you really feel like doing--delaying gratification and
reigning in impulsiveness, is what it takes to become a gold medallist.
Plus if you saw her final performance, Sarah also mastered a third ingredient,
that is the ability to get into "the zone" or a "flow"
state, where you shut out all external distractions and are single mindedly
focused on the task at hand. ("I just went out to have fun"
were her words at the end of her flawless performance.) Combine these
three skills and you have the making of a champion in any endeavor.
Here's how to develop this skill faster:
1. Treat success as the rule and failures as the exception (for specifics
see Chapter 7 of Make It a Winning Life: Success Strategies for Life,
Love and Business.)
2. Do what you don't feel like doing, and think twice before you do
what you really feel like doing.
3. Chase your passion, not your pay (for more see my article of the
same title at www.WolfRinke.com)
4. Laugh more often than you think is wise--especially at yourself.
5. Remind yourself that how you feel is your choice. Don't give that
choice away.
Skill #4: Empathize with others
This skill, often referred to as "attunement", "building
rapport" or "being sensitive", is concerned with being
able to recognize and respond appropriately to the emotions of others.
It involves tuning into verbal as well as non-verbal cues to discern
other people's moods, emotions, and feelings, and then modifying your
approach accordingly. It is concerned with the ability to care--not
make believe--but truly getting into someone else's moccasins and walking
more than a mile in their shoes. One researcher referred to lovemaking
at its best as mutual empathy or complete "attunement."
Here is how you can hone this skill:
1. Practice active listening. You know you have mastered this art when
you not only hear the words but also hear what is not being said.
2. Reality test, also known as mirroring. Restate what you heard in
your own words, capturing not only the words but also the feelings that
go with the words. Example: "What I hear you say is that you don't
like me disagreeing with you, because it seems to make you upset."
(This is a powerful anger management technique. Don't try this at home
unless your have been taught how to use it.)
3. Master the echo technique. This is when you repeat what the other
person just said and add a question mark at the end of the sentence.
She: "You are being very rude." You: "Very rude?"
4. Ask open-ended questions to learn all you can about another persons
"hot buttons."
5. Any time you engage in social intercourse--got your attention?--visualize
the following words on the other person's forehead: "Make me feel
important." Then act accordingly.
Skill #5. Manage Relationships
Social competence, "people skills" or "charisma"
is what relationship building is all about. It's the ability to communicate
and negotiate effectively, decrease conflict and form strong personal
bonds with others. In other words it is the ability to make Skills 1-4
come together like a world-class orchestra so that other people unconditionally
accept and like you.
Here are five strategies that will enable you to manage relationships
more effectively.
1. Accept people the way they are not the way they ought to be.
2. Catch people doing things almost right and tell them about it.
3. Discount people's weaknesses. We all have them, don't you?
4. Infect people with your contagious positive mood. (How you feel is
a choice. Chose to be positive.)
5. Give more of what you want.
You know that you have achieved emotional maturity when people say:
"I like myself best when I'm with you."
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3. EXCITING NEW PRODUCTS
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"Positive Attitude: The Key to Peak Performance"--VHS, DVD,
CD
This highly motivational and entertaining live program (73 minutes)
by Dr. Rinke will provide you with specific strategies that will enable
you to achieve peak performance and build more positive relationships
with your loved ones and team members. Plus you will have fun and enjoy
it too!
Video: VHS (V105) or DVD (DVD105) $34.95 +$4.50 s/h
Audio CD (D105) $19.95 + $4.50 s/h
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To order call 800-828-9653 or click here
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4. HUMOR BREAK
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And now for something different to keep you on your toes. Actually it's
not very funny, but what the heck, you can always laugh at yourself
when you look up the answer in section 6.
Count the F's in the following paragraph:
FEATURE FILMS ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI-
FIC STUDYCOMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.
Write your answer here: _____
Answer and explanation in section 6.
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Click here for FREE articles, inspirational messages and money saving
offers on books, audio and videotapes that will help you live a happier,
healthier and wealthier life or call 800-828-WOLF (USA); 410-531-9280.
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5. ABOUT THE EDITOR
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Dr. Wolf J. Rinke, CSP is an internationally recognized motivational
and management keynote speaker and seminar leader who delivers customized
presentations that combine story telling, humor and motivation with
specific "how to" action strategies that participants can
apply immediately to improve their personal and professional lives.
You can preview a live demo at www.WolfRinke.com. He is also a highly
effective management consultant, executive coach and author of 12 books
including: "Make It a Winning Life: Success Strategies for Life,
Love and Business" available at www.WolfRinke.com
To take advantage of Dr. Rinke's services call 800-828-9653 or mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com
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6. ANSWER AND EXPLANATION TO HUMOR BREAK
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How many F's did you count?
3?
How about 4, 5 or 6? (Are you a proofreader?)
The correct answer is 6. Count again. You'll get it sooner or later.
Why do most people count 3? Because we have trained ourselves to take
perceptual shortcuts. We see the prominent F's--those at the beginning,
but skip over the F's in the word "of." In short, all of us--yes
that includes you dear reader--see and hear what we are prepared to
see and hear. Not more, not less. So make it a practice to put "all
of your opinions on permanent probation."
Also if a document absolutely unequivocally has to be perfect, hire
a proofreader or read it backwards . . . it works!
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7. PRIVACY STATEMENTS AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
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