|
|
|
|
MAKE it a
|
Vol. 9 No. 4, July/August 2007 IN THIS ISSUE =================================================== =================================================== =================================================== HARDCOVER BOOK: "Make it A Winning Life: Success Strategies for Life, Love and Business" (283pp) by W. J. Rinke $24.95. Make it a Winning Life--6 audio CD album--$69.95 PERPETUAL CALENDAR: "Make It a Winning Life Perpetual Desk Calendar."
$12.95 Order all three for $84.95 +s/h. You SAVE $22.90! (X115) 111% MONEY BACK GURANTEE: You risk absolutely nothing! If for any reason the book and CDs are not everything you expected, send them back to me and I will give you your money back. The perpetual calendar is yours to keep! Log onto www.wolfrinke.com/Specialmiwlbkalcal.htm =================================================== Superwoman and I recently (July 6) celebrated our 39th wedding anniversary. Several people asked us what we do that helps us stay in love for the long term. I will share that with you shortly, but first let's take a look at what destroys relationships. Dr. Gary Smalley (www.garysmalley.com), who incidentally has dedicated more than 30 years to this topic, refers to these as the four "relationship germs." According to his research these "germs" cause more than 90% of all marriages to fail. And, by the way, they will have the same impact on all your other relationships may they be friends, team members, children or others. Germ #1: Belittle Others Because You Feel Superior Let others know that you are better than they are. You can communicate this with your actions, words and deeds. By far this is the most important relationship buster. So if you are tired of your spouse, just start belittling your mate and you'll be divorced before you know it. And while we're at it, let me remind you that every time you make another person look bad you are letting that person know that your self-esteem is not okay. You see, people with high self-esteem routinely make other people look better than themselves. Germ #2: Look For The Negatives In Others Basically you focus your mental energies on the other person's weaknesses. Since all human beings have strengths and weaknesses, you are bound to find many. The trouble is that once you find these weaknesses, your selective perception will continue to confirm them. At the same time you will begin to treat positive perceptions as exceptions. In essence, you will confirm bad stuff and deny the good stuff. Germ #3: Withdraw From an Argument Withdrawal is particularly destructive because it stops any negotiation or discussion dead in its tracks. Although it is a good strategy to "cool off," it represents a lose-lose strategy unless one party is willing to pick up the pieces at a later time. Remember that the only difference between salad and garbage is time. And if you let arguments fester, they will become "garbage." (What are you waiting for laugh already.) Germ #4: Escalate an Argument A good way to get into a real fight is to fight fire with fire. This "eye for an eye" approach requires you to get down to the other person's level and insures that the meanest, nastiest, and most obnoxious party wins by decimating both parties' sense of self-worth. The longer you keep it up the harder it will be to repair the damage. (Want proof positive on a macro level? Just look at the Middle East.) Destructive as these four may seem there is one strategy that single-handedly can diminish or overcome all four of these "relationship germs." Dr. Smalley calls this the "skill of honor." I refer to it as "love others the way they are--not the way they ought to be." (Steal that from me and relentlessly practice it.) That is, you selectively focus on what is right about others and let them know about it. Dr. Smalley's research confirms that the rate of divorce is inversely correlated with the "honor" each party bestows on the other. Lower the honor in a marriage and the divorce rate goes up. Increase the honor and it goes down. To practice this skill start honoring your significant other because, like money in the bank, you must make deposits before you can earn any interest. Once you master it with your spouse, extend it to all the other important relationships in your life. Here then are the three specific Actions Steps that will help you stay in love for the long term: Step 1: Decide that your significant other is very valuable. What is the difference between a Chevy and a limited edition Rolls Royce? They are both wheels, get you from point A to point B, keep you dry, etc. The difference is your perception! You perceive that a Rolls Royce is more valuable. Why? Because it is rare and it costs more. What about a human being like your significant other? She is unique. (Sorry guys, we do have more trouble with this than women.) In fact there is not another human being in the whole wide world that is like her. She is literally "priceless." (If you are as much in love with your significant other as I am, then I'm not telling you anything new.) Step 2: Compile an MVP (Most Valuable Player) list about your significant other. Start right now to make a list about all the things you value in your significant other or anyone else you wish to form a strong relationship with. If you keep a journal, dedicate several pages for this purpose. If you don't, purchase a small, blank, expensive mini-book in your local bookstore, and call it your MVP book. Label the first page: "Here is what I love and value about my significant other." Now begin the list and keep adding to it every time you discover something else that fits the header. Make similar lists for other family members and critical people in your life. Any time you find yourself focusing on something negative about one of these people, open your MVP book and prove yourself WRONG! Step 3: Tell your significant other how much you value her. Get in the habit of focusing your mental energy on the positive attributes of your significant other and then let her know about it at least three times per day. It's what Ken Blanchard refers to as "catching people doing things right." Be sure to exceed this goal with your significant other and get creative. If you are out of town, send her an e-mail that says: "I love you because (excerpt one item from your MVP list)." Before leaving for work leave him a Post-it note on the door, (yes, it applies to you ladies too!), and when coming home from a business trip bring her a bouquet of flowers or another thoughtful gift. If you run out of creative ideas just think of what you used to do when you were dating and replicate that behavior. What about the other important people in your life--like family and friends? Here are four Actions Steps you can take to build positive relationships with them: 1. Get together on a regular basis for a game of cards, golf, or some other pleasurable activity. Put it on your calendar and make it a priority. 2. Be there for them during the good times--birthdays, weddings etc., and the bad--hospitalization, funerals etc. 3. Stay in touch on an ongoing basis via phone, e-mails or letters. 4. Take the initiative. We're all too busy. Pick up the phone and reconnect. Do it now! The quality of your life depends on it! Source: W. J. Rinke, Beat the Blues--How to Manage Stress and Balance Your Life, (CPE Home Study Course Approved for 28 CPEUs), Wolf Rinke Associates, Clarksville, MD, pp. 101-105, 2006, www.easyCEcredits.com =================================================== Don't Oil the Squeaky Wheel: Innovative Strategies to Improve Leadership
Effectiveness. NOTE: I have other "in-house" presentations scheduled in the U.S.A., Canada and Europe. Please let me know if you are interested to preview me or bring me into your organization at reduced expenses when I'm scheduled to be in your area. That way we can let you know when I'm coming your way! =================================================== =================================================== =================================================== If this was forwarded to you and you would like to receive your own
FREE subscription click at top of the page.
|
