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Vol. 13 No. 4, July-August 2011
Copyright 2011 by Wolf J. Rinke
mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com
http://www.WolfRinke.com
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IN THIS ISSUE:
1. NEWS YOU CAN USE
2. HEAR WOLF HOWL--I MEAN SPEAK
3. HOW TO STAY IN LOVE FOR THE LONG TERM
4. WANT TO TAKE YOUR CAREER TO THE NEXT LEVEL?
5. HUMOR BREAK
6. ABOUT THE EDITOR
7 PRIVACY STATEMENT AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
INSIGHT BREAK
"Scientists have found that doing a kindness produces the single
most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise we have
tested."
-Martin E. P. Seligman, author of Flourish
1. NEWS YOU CAN USE
Is the fox watching the hen house?
This is the first time I'm recommending a video in this eNewsletter.
After watching Inside Job, a documentary that exposes the shocking truth
behind the economic crisis of 2008, I'm convinced that it should be
mandatory watching for all of us. Inside Job describes the global financial
meltdown, which cost of over $20 trillion and resulted in millions of
people losing their homes and jobs all over the globe. Through extensive
research and interviews with major financial insiders, politicians and
journalists, Charles Ferguson, the producer of Inside Job, traces the
rise of a rogue industry and unveils the corrosive relationships which
have corrupted politics, regulations and academia. It is a scary movie
because the same people who made it happen in 2008 are still controlling
financial decisions in government today, with seemingly fewer regulations,
and even larger financial institutions. It seems that these people,
just like the financial institutions we the taxpayers bailed out, are
also "too large to fail."
ACTION STEP
Plan to watch Inside Job as soon as possible. Then write to your elected
officials including President Obama and demand that action be taken
to implement regulations with teeth, downsize financial institutions
and fire unethical people to avoid another financial meltdown.
Source: http://www.sonyclassics.com/insidejob/
2. HEAR WOLF HOWL--I MEAN SPEAK
Aug 3, 2011, 1:30-3:00 "Positive Attitude: The Key to Wellness
and Peak Performance," American Assoc. of Diabetes Educators (AADE)
annual meeting, Mandalay Bay Resort and Convention Ctr., Lagoon ABGH,
Las Vegas, NV. To register or for more info: http://www.diabeteseducator.org/annualmeeting/2011/index.html
Oct 24, 2011 "Increasing Your Personal Effectiveness", Renaissance
Woodbridge, Iselin, NJ. This full day seminar maybe open to you if your
company is a member of the Institute of Management Studies (IMS). Contact
Ken Verostick, newjersey@ims-online.com for specifics.
NOTE: I have other "in-house" presentations scheduled. Please
let me know if you are interested to preview me or bring me into your
organization at reduced expenses when I'm scheduled to be in your area.
That way we can let you know when I'm coming your way!
3. HOW TO STAY IN LOVE FOR THE LONG TERM
by Wolf J. Rinke, PhD, CSP
Today (July 6) Superwoman and I are celebrating our 43rd wedding anniversary.
After my presentations I'm sometimes asked what we do that helps us
stay in love for the long term. I will share that with you shortly,
but first let's take a look at what destroys relationships. Dr. Gary
Smalley (www.garysmalley.com), who incidentally has dedicated more than
30 years to this topic, refers to these as the four "relationship
germs." According to his research these "germs" cause
more than 90% of all marriages to fail. And, by the way, they will have
the same impact on all your other relationships may they be friends,
team members, children or others.
Germ #1: Belittle Others Because You Feel Superior
Let others know that you are better than they are. You can communicate
this with your actions, words and deeds. By far this is the most important
relationship buster. So if you are tired of your spouse, just start
belittling your mate and you'll be divorced before you know it. And
while we're at it, let me remind you that every time you make another
person look bad you are letting that person know that your self-esteem
is not okay. Why? Because people with high self-esteem routinely make
other people look better than themselves.
Germ #2: Look For the Negatives In Others
Basically you focus your mental energies on the other person's weaknesses.
Since all human beings have strengths and weaknesses, you are bound
to find many. The trouble is that once you find these weaknesses, your
selective perception will continue to confirm them. At the same time
you will begin to treat positive perceptions as exceptions. In essence,
you will confirm bad stuff and deny the good stuff. (A really miserable
way to go through life!)
Germ #3: Withdraw From an Argument
Withdrawal is particularly destructive because it stops any negotiation
or discussion dead in its tracks. Although it is a good strategy to
"cool off," it represents a lose-lose strategy unless one
party is willing to pick up the pieces at a later time. Remember that
the only difference between salad and garbage is … time. And if
you let arguments fester, they will become "garbage." (What
are you waiting for-laugh already.)
Germ #4: Escalate an Argument
A good way to get into a real fight is to fight fire with fire. This
"eye for an eye" approach requires you to get down to the
other persons level and insures that the meanest, nastiest, and most
obnoxious party wins by decimating both parties' sense of self-worth.
The longer you keep it up the harder it will be to repair the damage.
(Want proof positive on a macro level? Just look at the Middle East.)
Destructive as these four may seem there is one strategy that single-handedly
can diminish or overcome all four of these "relationship germs."
Dr. Smalley calls this the "skill of honor." I refer to it
as "love others the way they are--not the way they ought to be."
(Steal that from me and relentlessly practice it.) That is, you selectively
focus on what is right about others and let them know about it. Dr.
Smalley's research confirms that the rate of divorce is inversely correlated
with the "honor" each party bestows on the other. Lower the
honor in a marriage and the divorce rate goes up. Increase the honor
and it goes down. Similarly Professor Marty Seligman's research reported
in his latest book Flourish tells us that you need a 5:1 "Losada
ratio" to predict a strong and loving marriage. That is you need
"five positive statements for every critical statement you make
of your spouse" (p. 67). If you have less than a 3:1 ratio you
are headed for divorce. Details at http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx.
To practice this skill start honoring your significant other because,
like money in the bank, you must make deposits before you can earn interest.
Once you master it with your spouse, extend it to all the other important
relationships in your life.
Here are three specific Actions Steps that will help you stay in love
for the long term:
Step 1: Decide that your significant other is very valuable.
What is the difference between a Chevy and a limited edition Rolls Royce?
They are both wheels that get you from point A to point B, keep you
dry, etc. The difference is your perception! You perceive that a Rolls
Royce is more valuable. Why? Because it is rare and it costs more. What
about a human being like your significant other? She is unique. (Sorry
guys, we do have more trouble with this than women.) In fact there is
not another human being in the whole wide world that is like her. She
is literally "priceless." (If you are as much in love with
your significant other as I am, then I'm not telling you anything new.)
Step 2: Compile an MVP (Most Valuable Player) list about your significant
other.
Start right now to make a list about all the things you value in your
significant other or anyone else you wish to form a strong relationship
with. If you keep a journal, dedicate several pages for this purpose.
If you don't, purchase a small, blank, expensive mini-book in your local
bookstore, and call it your MVP book. Label the first page: "Here
is what I love and value about my significant other." Now begin
the list and keep adding to it every time you discover something else
that fits the header. Make similar lists for other family members and
critical people in your life. Any time you find yourself focusing on
something negative about one of these people, open your MVP book and
prove yourself WRONG!
Step 3: Tell your significant other how much you value her.
Get in the habit of focusing your mental energy on the positive attributes
of your significant other and then let her/him know about it at least
three times per day, and plan to exceed the 5:1 positive to negative
comments ratio. It's what Ken Blanchard refers to as "catching
people doing things right." Plan achieve these goal with your significant
other and get creative. If you are out of town, send her an e-mail that
says: "I love you because (excerpt one item from your MVP list)."
Before leaving for work leave him a Post-it note on the door, (yes,
it applies to you ladies too!), and when coming home from a business
trip bring her a bouquet of flowers or another thoughtful gift. If you
run out of creative ideas just think of what you used to do when you
were dating and replicate that behavior.
What about the other important people in your life--like family and
friends? Here are four Actions Steps you can take to build positive
relationships with them:
1. Get together on a regular basis for a game of cards, golf, or some
other pleasurable activity. Put it on your calendar and make it a priority.
2. Be there for them during the good times--birthdays, weddings etc.,
and the bad--hospitalization, funerals etc.
3. Stay in touch on an ongoing basis via phone, e-mails, IMs, Tweets,
or letters.
4. Take the initiative. We're all too busy. Pick up the phone and reconnect.
Do it now! The quality of your life depends on it!
For other strategies that will help you live a happier, healthier and
wealthier life read or listen to Make It a Winning Life: Success Strategies
for Life, Love or Business available at http://wolfrinke.com/MIWL.html;
or if you need CPE credits devour Beat the Blues: How to Manage Stress
and Balance Your Life (C178) approved for 28 CPEUs, available at http://www.wolfrinke.com/CEFILES/cepd.html#C178)
4. WANT TO TAKE YOUR CAREER TO THE NEXT LEVEL?
Receive on-line "coaching" from me. I've partnered with AthenaOnline.com
to bring you 54 high-impact video mini-lessons that will help you achieve
dramatic improvements in performance, productivity and profitability.
Topics range from "Advancing your Career" to "Leadership
in Tough Times." Each video mini-lesson is about 2 -7 minutes long.
To get started go to http://wolfrinke.com/mgttraining.html.
5. HUMOR BREAK
How to fall out of love real fast:
Wife to husband of over 20 years: "Why don't you tell me you love
me any more?"
Husband: "I told you I love you the day we got married. If there
is ever a change I'll let you know."
6. ABOUT THE EDITOR
Dr. Wolf J. Rinke, CSP is a highly effective management consultant and
executive coach who specializes in building peak performance organizations,
teams and individuals. He is the author of 12 CPE manuals, available
at www.easyCPEcredits.com and 5 books including "Make It a Winning
Life: Success Strategies for Life, Love and Business" available
at www.WolfRinke.com. He is also an internationally recognized motivational
and management keynote speaker and seminar leader who delivers customized
presentations that combine story telling, humor and motivation with
specific "how to" action strategies that participants can
apply immediately to improve their personal and professional lives.
You can preview a live demo at www.WolfRinke.com. To take advantage
of Dr. Rinke's services contact us at 800-828-9653 or WolfRinke@aol.com
7. PRIVACY STATEMENT AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
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