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Vol. 6 No. 5, September/October 2004
Copyright 2004 by Wolf J. Rinke
mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com
http://www.WolfRinke.com
IN THIS ISSUE
1. NEWS YOU CAN USE
2. BE SELFISH--PART II
3. SPECIAL OFFER
4. HUMOR BREAK
5. HEAR WOLF "HOWL"--I MEAN SPEAK
6. ABOUT THE EDITOR
7. PRIVACY STATEMENT AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
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INSIGHT BREAK
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"You're old when your memories are more precious than your dreams."
--Tony Compolo
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1. NEWS YOU CAN USE
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DOES MONEY BUY HAPPINESS?
No, but it gets you to your problems in style. Okay, on a bit more serious
note, money does not buy happiness according to a review of 150 studies
by Professors Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania and
Ed Diener of the University of Illinois. For example, the 400 richest
Americans average 5.8 on a "life-satisfaction" scale, where
1 means "not at all satisfied" and 7 means "completely
satisfied." No surprise here. What is surprising is that the Inuit
people of ice cold Greenland and the Masai of Kenya, who live in huts
without electricity and running water are just as satisfied as the 400
richest people in the US. What does happen however is that happiness
buys money! In other words, people who have a greater sense of well
being are more productive, tend to be healthy and get and stay married.
All of which tends to contribute to higher levels of income. How do
you get a greater sense of well being? Drum roll please…From relationships,
satisfying work, and a sense that your life has meaning!
ACTION STEPS:
Get serious about building lasting relationships with positive people,
join civic or other social groups and find something you love to do.
In other words, chase your passion not your pay. Source: S. Begley,
"Wealth and Happiness Don't Necessarily Go Hand in Hand,"
Wall Street Journal, 8/13/04, p. B1.
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2. BE SELFISH--PART II by Wolf J. Rinke, PhD, CSP
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In the previous issue (6-4) of this eNewsletter (see www.WolfRinke.com)
we reviewed the first two habits you must master if you want to serve
as a highly effective Contrarian Leader: Know Thyself and Take Ownership.
Now let's take a look at the other five.
Motivate Thyself
Sarah Hughes, 2002 Winter Olympics ice-skating gold medalist, exemplifies
this habit to the max. Getting yourself to do the things you don't want
to do--getting up every day at 5:00 am to practice since age 6--and
not doing what you really feel like doing--delaying gratification and
reigning in impulsiveness--is what it takes to become a gold medalist
or an excellent Contrarian Leader. Plus if you saw her final performance,
Sarah also mastered a third ingredient, that is the ability to get into
the zone or a flow state, where you shut out all external distractions
and are single-mindedly focused on the task at hand. ("I just went
out to have fun" were her words at the end of her flawless performance.
The same attitude will enable you to lead effectively.) Combine these
three skills and you have the making of a champion at work and at home.
Here is how you can develop this habit faster:
-- Treat success as the rule and failures as the exception.
-- Do what you don't feel like doing, and think twice before you do
what you really feel like doing.
-- Chase your passion, not your pay. (For specifics see my article of
the same title at www.WolfRinke.com.)
--Laugh more often than you think is wise--especially at yourself.
--Remind yourself that how you feel is your choice. Don't give that
choice away.
Empathize with Others
This habit, often referred to as attunement, building rapport or being
sensitive, is concerned with being able to recognize and respond appropriately
to the emotions of others. It involves tuning into verbal as well as
non-verbal cues to discern your team members' moods, emotions, and feelings,
and then modifying your approach accordingly. It is concerned with the
ability to care--not make believe--but truly getting into someone else's
moccasins and walking more than a mile in their shoes.
Here is how you can hone this habit:
-- Practice active listening. You know you have mastered this art when
you not only hear the words but also hear what is not being said.
-- Reality test, also known as mirroring. Restate what you heard in
your own words, capturing not only the words but also the feelings that
go with the words. Example: "What I hear you saying is that you
don't like me disagreeing with you, because it seems to make you upset."
(This is a powerful anger management technique. Do practice it at home.)
-- Master the echo technique. This is when you repeat what a team member
says and add a question mark at the end of the sentence. Team member:
"You are driving me nuts." You: "Driving you nuts?"
-- Ask open-ended questions to learn all you can about someone's "hot
buttons."
-- Any time you interact with a team member visualize the following
words on his forehead: "Make me feel important." Then act
accordingly.
Develop Charisma
Social competence, people skills or charisma is the ability to communicate
and negotiate effectively, decrease conflict, and form strong personal
bonds with team members. In other words, it is the ability to make the
previous habits come together like a world-class orchestra so that team
members unconditionally accept and like you.
Here are five SMART STEPS that will enable you to develop charisma:
-- Accept team members the way they are not the way they ought to be.
-- Catch team members doing things almost right and tell them about
it.
-- Discount team members' weaknesses. We all have them, don't you?
-- Infect people with your contagious positive mood. (How you feel is
a choice. Choose to be positive.)
-- Give more of what you want.
You know that you have developed charisma when team members' say: "I
like myself best when I'm with you."
Be Honest
WorldCom, Tyco, Global Crossing, Anderson, and Enron--do I need to
say more? But before you get too smug better look at the face in the
mirror. Study after study has shown that most people lie at one time
or another. We inflate our resumes, fudge our accomplishments, and exaggerate
even inconsequential events. And when we lie there is no trust, and
without trust you can't practice Contrarian Leadership. Call me old-fashioned;
I believe there is no excuse for lying. There is not even a good reason
for exaggerating. Because if you do, you will have to talk from the
head--checking your memory to make sure that you are consistent. And
who can keep track of that, when most of us have trouble remembering
where we put our car keys. Only by getting in the habit of always telling
the truth--especially if it is at your own expense--will you be able
to talk from the heart and that will set you free. Which in turn will
enhance your leadership skills--people follow people whom they can trust--and
put you on the fast track in any endeavor. It will also enrich your
personal relationships and, most importantly, will get you to like and
respect yourself--the foundation for being an effective Contrarian Leader.
Kill Your Ego
Ego has probably destroyed more organizations than any other human
emotion. (See the list in the previous paragraph.) I guess that is because
ego, right along with greed and envy, is one of the most powerful destroyers
of relationships. A look at history confirms that these emotions are
responsible for more evil--think Napoleon, Stalin, and Hitler--and more
corporate failures--think Enron, Arthur Anderson, and WorldCom--as well
as relationship killers than any other emotion. And yet you can get
rid of our ego with just five powerful phrases, expressed liberally
and from the heart.
Here they are:
-- You are right about that. Any time you get into a conflict use this
phrase and you will have no conflict ever again--guaranteed! (Just this
one strategy is worth more than the price of this eNewsletter--oh wait,
you got this for free. What a deal!)
-- I've made a mistake. This phrase helps you get off your high horse
gracefully. All human beings make mistakes--and since you, like all
other human beings, are imperfect . . . I think you get it. Just because
you are the leader does not mean that you are omnipotent. There is only
one force like that in the universe--and no, it's not you.
-- I changed my mind. It's been said that women have cleaner minds than
men because they change them often. (Okay, enough with the stereotypes.)
You are an evolving human being, one who is like red wine that gets
better all the time--that means you have to let go of your past beliefs.
-- I don't know. Admit it, you don't know everything. It let's your
team members know that you have high levels of self-esteem. Only people
who are okay inside of their own skin can admit that they don't know
everything.
-- Let's agree to disagree. The phrase to use if all else fails. It
works especially well with the real important people in your organization-the
Contrarians.
SOURCE: Based in part on Chapter 3 of my new book Don't Oil the Squeaky
Wheel and 19 Other Contrarian Ways to Improve Your Leadership Effectiveness.
Take advantage of my special offer that follows.
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3. SPECIAL OFFER
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NEW BOOK: Don't Oil the Squeaky Wheel and 19 Other Contrarian Ways
to Improve Your Leadership Effectiveness, (McGraw Hill, 2004), by W.
J. Rinke. Publisher Price: $14.95.
Advance praise: "Tells you what you need to know to win in the
game of leadership in these turbulent times."
J. W. Marriott, Jr., Chairman of the Board and President, Marriott International,
Inc.
POWERFUL CD: How to Motivate Employees to Achieve Peak Performance.
Publisher Price: $19.95.
This LIVE audio by yours truly (~60 mins.) will teach you how to build
a positive organizational culture that will achieve quantum leaps in
performance, productivity and profitability.
Both book and CD--$24.90 + s/h. SAVE $10.00!
------------------------- Offer expires 11/1/2004 -------------------------
To order log onto http://www.WolfRinke.com/SpecialJuly04.html
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4. HUMOR BREAK
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Bill Gates was having a conversation with Bill Ford.
Boasts Gates: "If automotive technology had kept pace with computer
technology over the past 10 years you would now be driving a car with
a top speed of 12,000 miles per hour and it would cost you about $50."
"Only one problem," replied Bill Ford, "who wants to
drive a car that crashes six times a day."
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5. HEAR WOLF HOWL--I MEAN SPEAK
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These full day seminars maybe open to you, especially if your company
is a member of the Institute of Management Studies (IMS). Contact the
Chairperson for additional information.
Winning Management: Building a Peak Performance Workplace
10/1 Minneapolis, James Arnold, jkarnold@imsminneapolis.com
Just added by popular request:
Achieve Peak Performance--Increase Your Personal Effectiveness
10/20, Bristol, UK, Mike Matthews, ims@events01.golbalnet.co.uk
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6. ABOUT THE EDITOR
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Dr. Wolf J. Rinke, CSP is an internationally recognized motivational
and management keynote speaker and seminar leader who delivers customized
presentations that combine story telling, humor and motivation with
specific "how to" action strategies that participants can
apply immediately to improve their personal and professional lives.
You can preview a live demo at www.WolfRinke.com. He is also a highly
effective management consultant, executive coach and author of 13 books
including: "Make It a Winning Life: Success Strategies for Life,
Love and Business" available at www.WolfRinke.com
To take advantage of Dr. Rinke's services call 800-828-9653 or mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com
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7. PRIVACY STATEMENTS AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
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