|
|
|
|
MAKE it a
|
Vol. 3 No. 5 September/October 2001 ############################################
September 11, 2001—A Day in INFAMY—Special Issue IN THIS ISSUE 1. A POEM YOU CAN USE IN THESE TOUGH TIMES 2. KEEP HOPE ALIVE 3. COPING ACTION STEPS 4. ABOUT THE EDITOR 5. CONTACT AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION ======================================================== INSIGHT BREAK How fast life can be pulled into perspective. On the day of infamy, I was to fly on an American Airline flight to Dallas, TX to give the closing keynote at the 12th International Conference on Work Teams. My presentation—"Positive Attitude: The Key to Peak Performance"—was to be video-taped and generate a new product line of audio, video and CDs for us. Instead I had to apply the principles I was to speak about to help loved ones and myself deal with the grave tragedy of the day. This special newsletter is my attempt to share with you a few nuggets that may help you and your loved ones deal more effectively with the challenges that all of us are facing during these trying times. ======================================================== 1. A POEM YOU CAN USE IN THESE TOUGH TIMES ======================================================== Slow Dance
Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the fading light?
You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.
Do you run through each day On the fly? When you ask How are you? Do you hear the reply? When the day is done Do you lie in your bed With the next hundred chores Running through your head?
You'd better slow down Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.
Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow? And in your haste, Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die Cause you never had time To call and say hi
You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere You miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away.
Life is not a race. Do take it slower Hear the music Before the song is over.
Source: An anonymous terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital. It was e-mailed by Dr. Shields, MD, via Alexandra, a dear friend of ours. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION, SUGGESTION OR A SUCCESS STORY? We are getting some great success stories from our subscribers and would like to hear whatÕs working, or not working, for you. Mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com. ======================================================== 2. KEEP HOPE ALIVE By Wolf J. Rinke, PhD, CSP ======================================================== Hope is an incredibly powerful emotion. Without it you may die. No one has told that story more powerfully than Dr. Victor Frankl in his book Man's Search for Meaning in which he detailed the role of hope in surviving the German concentration camps. So be sure to never ever give up hope, no matter how bleak it gets. And even more important, be sure not to confuse inconveniences with problems. The following story—which I shared with you in a previous issue (Vol. 3, #4)—illustrates what I mean. On December 17, 1975 my wife Marcela gave birth to our second child, a perfect, beautiful baby girl. At that joyous moment I never could have imagined the challenges that lay ahead. Although we had another daughter, this one, the one we named Nicole, would ultimately be responsible for 85% of the gray hair on my head. Why? Because Nicole has absolutely no idea of what "NO" means. In fact, any time you say "no" to Nicole she replies: "Dad, I obviously have not given you enough information!" In addition, she has always "pushed the envelope," a phrase I borrowed from Air Force pilots, who use it to describe what they do when they push their planes almost beyond their maximum speed. Undoubtedly, if Nicole were a plane she'd be flying at Mach 4. About 13 years ago (Nicole was 13) the "envelope" got pushed too far. I was speaking in Boston. Marcela, my "Superwoman"—that's my wife of 33 years—was alone with our two daughters. At bedtime, she went into their rooms kissed them good night, turned off the lights and went to sleep. At 2:30 a.m. the phone rang. Marcela answered in a sleepy voice: "Hello." The voice said: "Mrs. Rinke!" My wife: "Yeeesss" "Mrs. Rinke, this is Montgomery General, we have your daughter Nicole here!" My wife suddenly wide-awake: "What kind of a prank is this?" (Remember Marcela had tucked Nicole in and kissed her good night.) At the same time she threw down the phone and rushed to Nicole's room, to discover to her horror, that Nicole was gone. Nicole had snuck out of the house in the middle of an incredibly stormy night to go joy riding with three friends. As we found out later, they attempted to drive from our house in Olney, MD to Baltimore about 40 miles away. The fearsome storm, accompanied by flash floods forced them to turn around and head back to Olney. Since the night was still "young" they decided to hang out and seek shelter at a boy's house that was under construction. It was pouring "cats and dogs"; there were no lights, not even starlight. Everyone rushed into the house to get out of the storm. Who was first? Of course, Nicole, the young lady who always "pushes the envelope." As they rushed into the house, the others heard Nicole let out a long primordial scream as she disappeared from sight. The others slowed down, groped around, but could not find Nicole. Finally, as their eyes began adjusting to the dark, one of them heard moans from the basement. They carefully scaled down the wooden supports to find Nicole in a pool of blood. She had fallen through a large hole in the floor, a hole where the steps were going to be. Falling one story, head first, she had hit the concrete floor full force with her forehead. Everyone saw blood and more blood all over Nicole's face, her blouse and pants. No motion. No stirring. No breath. Just blood. Everyone began to panic, except one boy who had enough gumption to run home and get his dad, who took Nicole to Montgomery General. Nicole's face was badly injured. There was a possibility of kidney and other organ damage, broken bones, sprained muscles. And there was the suspicion of alcohol and worse, the one thing that every parent dreads, maybe even ... drugs. The doctors ran all kinds of tests, took multiple X-rays, conducted every blood test in their arsenal. They worked all night, ruled out organ damage, concluded that nothing seemed broken, stitched up Nicole's face, and made her like new again. Or did they? They did not rule out alcohol, they did not rule out drugs, and they could not patch up the loss of trust between us. Trust that we had planted as a fragile seed. Trust that we had nurtured and cultivated during the past 13 years. Trust that was never given to me when I grew up, no matter how hard I worked to earn it. Trust that I valued virtually more than anything. After all, I didn't want to repeat the cycle. But now the fragile "plant" had been trampled into a thousand little pieces. And no matter what any of us did, wishing would not repair and put it back together again. We tried anyway. In our own imperfect way, we all tried. But it was incredibly difficult. We began to plant new seeds. We tried to nurture and cultivate them, but found that each seed began to perish just as soon as it began to sprout. Regardless, we persisted and persevered. We kept planting the right seeds, and avoided giving into the temptation of looking the other way, of giving up. Instead we did the "right thing," working hard to rebuild what we had before. We began to renew the trust that seemed to have been lost forever, kept setting high standards, persisted in practicing "strict love," often to the consternation of our daughters, who frequently told us as that we were the "toughest parents anyone ever had." Most importantly, we worked hard not to fall back into the trap of old habits. Did we succeed? None of us were sure, until five years later, the day Nicole graduated from high school, when she gave me a card that I value more than anything she has ever given me. Why? Because it gives me renewed hope, happiness and pride whenever I read it. Which is frequently, because Nicole has given me permission to share it with my audiences whenever I deliver my motivational keynotes. Now I'd like to share it with you, in the hope that it will encourage you to continue to never give up hope: Dad, I thought this time would be a nice time to say thanks. You've helped me a lot over the years. Although now I'm graduating and moving on to a new stage in my life I still need all those things you've given me in the past. I know we've had trouble accepting each other's differences but, I thank you for attempting to understand, and more importantly accept me as me. I know sometimes I don't seem very appreciative, but I am, I think I've really grown to respect you and you've done the same for me. I want you to know that no matter where I am and how old I get I still need some of your advice and guidance. I know that sometimes I screw up, but I am still learning. I also know that it's hard for you to sit back and watch me screw up, but thanks for trying and respecting my need for freedom. I'd just like to say thank you again for helping me to get to where I am today. I love you Dad! Love always, Nicole P.S. Just a brief update. The same young lady who had difficulty making it through high school graduated in May of this year from Berkley Law School. According to the dean, the class of 2001 had over 5,000 applicants, and Nicole was one of 273 who made it. Currently she is clerking for the first female Supreme Court Justice in Nevada. Once she finishes this one-year clerkship she hopes to set up her own environmental public interest law practice in Nevada. Her passion—she wants to make the world a better place for you and I and our children. The moral of this story is to recognize the importance of never giving up hope, especially when building positive relationships with your loved ones. Because anything worth doing takes a long time. And since relationships are critical to the quality of your life, do whatever you can to make them flourish. Get rid of destructive human emotions, such as pride, jealousy and hate—yes, even in these tough times. Instead put love in your heart. Stay the course, do the right thing and never ever give up hope. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ For FREE articles, inspirational messages and money saving offers on books, audio and videotapes that will help you cope visit our website: http://www.WolfRinke.com or call 800-828-WOLF (USA); 410-531-9282. ======================================================= 3. COPING ACTION STEPS ======================================================== DO IT TONIGHT Tonight, when you put your children to bed give each one a really big hug and tell him/her from the bottom of your hard: "I love you, and I'm very proud to be your parent." And then shut up. Do not continue the sentence with "but" because but erases everything you have said before. Repeat the exercise with your spouse. Your spouse and children are the most important people in your life. So do not waste another day, tell them tonight just how much you love them!
BE GRATEFUL No matter what your loss during these tragic times, focus on what you have left, not what you have lost. One-way to do this is to draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper. Label the left column: "WhatÕs gone" the right "what's left." Now fill out both columns. No matter how tragic your loss, you will find much—hopefully much more—that you can be thankful for. Now use your mental energy to develop an attitude of gratitude by focusing on all you have left
KEEP A ROUTINE Give your children a sense of normalcy by sticking to their regular routine as best as you can.
HELP CHIDREN FEEL SAFE When children ask you questions about the despicable events associated with the day of infamy—September 11, 2001—listen actively (see below) and then answer candidly. Be sure to share your sadness, anger and frustration, however do all you can to avoid expressing hate, spite and revenge. Instead, remind your children that they can feel safe, because most people are good, and that the evil perpetrated on the day of infamy represents the exception.
LISTEN Listen to your children and loved ones. To really listen you have to learn to make your own mind quiet and give the other party your undivided 111% attention. The act of active listening—not giving advice—is one of the most powerful things you can do during these troubling times.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF In this time of extreme stress tear yourself away from the TV, and instead make quiet time for yourself and treat yourself to whatever truly helps you relax, may it be a hot tub, a movie or a walk in the park. ======================================================== 5. ABOUT THE EDITOR ======================================================== Dr. Wolf J. Rinke, CSP is an internationally recognized motivational and management keynote speaker and seminar leader who delivers customized presentations that combine story telling, humor and motivation with specific "how to" action strategies that participants can apply immediately to improve the quality of their personal and professional lives. He is also a highly effective management consultant and executive coach. Call us at 800-828-9653 or mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com to ======================================================== 7. CONTACT AND SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION ======================================================== Editor: Dr. Wolf J. Rinke, CSP President, Wolf Rinke Associates, Inc. P.O. Box 350, Clarksville, MD 21029-0350 USA (410) 531-9280, Fax (410) 531-9282 For orders in the US (800) 828-WOLF (9653) Email: Mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com Website: http://www.WolfRinke.com If this was forwarded to you and you would like to receive your own FREE subscription mailto:WolfRinke@aol.com and type the word SUBSCRIBE MIWL in the subject box. To remove yourself from this mailing list, please type the word UNSUBSCRIBE MIWL in the subject box. PRIVACY STATEMENT: We will not make your name available to anyone. Period!
|
